Tomorrow's Another Day
by Madam Mare
Summary: I was already the detective who was off his rocker, on the fast track to the psych ward at Bellevue. What do you think they’re going to say now?
1. Chapter 1

Title: Tomorrow's Another Day

Rating: FRT

Category: Law and Order: CI Angst

Spoilers: Nope.

Feedback: Feedback like totally reeks of awesomeness dude!

Summary: I was already the detective who was off his rocker, on the fast track to the psych ward at Bellevue. What do you think they're going to say now?

Disclaimer: Without Prejudice. The names of all characters contained here-in are the property of Dick Wolf. No infringements of these copyrights are intended, and are used here without permission. The song that inspired this is See The Sun by Dido

Notes: This should be about three parts the second is already done. I am so incredibly blocked on Fear. Sorry guys, I'm trying.

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"Have you heard from Goren?" Captain Deakins asked as he walked up to Detective Logan and Barek's desks.

Carolyn glanced up from the report she was reading with a sigh. "I thought he's not due back for another week?"

"He's not. He's also missed his last two appointments."

Mike sighed as he dropped his pen onto his desk and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Do you want us to check in on him?"

"I won't say anything if the two of you happen to take a longer lunch than usual." Deakins replied cryptically before heading back to his office.

"So, who gets to be the shrink today?" Mike asked his partner as he gathered their jackets. When he didn't get a reply he turned around to face his partner. Carolyn had a somber expression on her face, and one finger was placed on her nose. "Guess that means I'm it," Mike grumbled as he tossed her jacket at her.

The two detectives rode the elevator down to the parking garage in silence. It wasn't until they had started the engine of their NYPD issue sedan that they spoke.

"How was he last time you talked to him?" Carolyn asked her partner as she turned up the heat.

Mike shook his head, "How would you be in his shoes?"

"A mess," She answered honestly, her eyes watering up.

"Yeah," Mike agreed quietly as he put the car into gear and placed a comforting hand on his partner's thigh. "Only he wont let it show."

Traffic was light and they reached Bobby's apartment building quickly. "So, how do you wanna to play this?" Carolyn asked as they stepped off the elevator.

Mike shrugged as he lightly placed his hand on the small of Carolyn's back and guided her to Bobby's door. Raising his hand he lightly knocked on Bobby apartment. "Let's just play it by ear."

Carolyn stuffed her hands into the pockets of her peacoat as they waited for some sort of response from inside the apartment.

"Come on Bobby," Carolyn called out as Mike knocked on the door again.

After again getting no response Mike tried the doorknob. It twisted easily. Mike met his partner's concerned eyes as the two entered the dark apartment.

"Bobby?" Mike kept on hand resting on his weapon as he fumbled for a light switch in the dark.

"Leave the light off," A voice commanded from the dark, and the two detectives could make out Bobby's form hunched over on the couch.

"Bobby?" Carolyn softly approached the large detective.

"Why are you here?" Bobby asked sullenly.

"To check on you," Carolyn sat down on the coffee table, trying to meet Bobby's eyes.

"You shouldn't have wasted your time," Bobby mumbled as he turned away from her.

"Damn it Goren!" Mike exploded as he stalked over to the shaded window and opened it, letting the bright sunlight filter in.

Carolyn jumped back in surprise as Bobby rocketed to his feet. "What the hell Logan?" Bobby demanded, one hand covering his eyes.

"Look at you!" Logan gestured with his hand as he yanked another blind open. "You're a mess!"

"What's your point?"

"You need to get yourself together. Alex wouldn't—"

"Alex wouldn't what?" Bobby challenged the other detective, getting in his face.

"She wouldn't want you doing this to yourself," Carolyn interjected softly, trying to get between the two men.

Bobby flinched at her words and for the first time the big detective openly crumbled.


	2. Chapter 2

Note: Due to a request, consider this officially categorized as a CD.

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Forty-five minutes later, the two detectives managed to convince Bobby to shower and get dressed. When he emerged from the bathroom Carolyn had made coffee, and judging by the expressions of the partner's faces, they weren't going to be leaving any time soon.

Bobby sighed resignedly and shuffled into the kitchen where Carolyn had a steaming cup of coffee waiting. Pulling out a kitchen stool to sit on, he stared at the detectives in a stony silence. They stubbornly stared back.

Carolyn put down her cup of coffee and broke the silence, "We're worried about you, ya know?"

"Why?" Bobby asked bitterly.

"Deakins said you missed your last two appointments," Mike commented.

"And?" Bobby retorted stubbornly.

"Departments not gunna let you back unless you pass the psych review," Carolyn said softly.

"Who says I'm coming back?"

"You're not coming back?" Mike questioned.

Bobby shrugged noncommittally.

"Why?"

Bobby turned to look at Mike, his gaze empty as he replied; "I was already the detective who was off his rocker, on the fast track to the psych ward at Bellevue. What do you think they're going to say now?"

Mike lowered his eyes to Carolyn, silently asking her to answer.

"It wasn't your fault."

"Not my fault?" Bobby angrily exclaimed, slamming down his coffee mug, the hot liquid splashing over the rim.

Mike sat up a little straighter, keeping an eye on his partner.

"You couldn't have stopped it!" Carolyn yelled back. "She wanted to be there. She wouldn't let you send her out. She knew the risks!"

"She shouldn't have been there! That bullet was meant for me! I should have been in her place!"

"How long are you going to do this to yourself? You're not the only one who lost her ya know. I know what you're going through."

Bobby gave her a blank stare, "How would you know?" He glanced bitterly at Mike. "You still have your partner."

Carolyn sighed, "Get up."

"Excuse me."

"You heard me. Get up. Mike, get his jacket."

Wordlessly, Mike got Bobby's jacket and brought it to his partner. "What are you doing?"

"Goin' for a little walk." She replied quietly, meeting his concerned eyes. "I'm going to tell him about what happened before I came here."

"You sure?"

She shrugged, "Couldn't hurt."

Mike nodded his understanding, "I'll wait for you."

Bobby silently followed Carolyn out of his apartment. The silence continued as the duo walked several blocks.

Finally Carolyn broke the silence, "Mike ever tell you why I left the Bureau?"

Bobby looked down at her in confusion.

Carolyn looped her arm through the large detectives and pulled him over to a park bench.

"I don't think it was any big secret that I didn't want a partner when I first got here."

"Nope." Bobby mumbled as he looked up at the dark thunderheads in the sky.

"Six months before I transferred here, I was working a joint sting with the DEA. I was deep undercover with the Columbians operating on the east coast…with 'em for close to two years. The taskforce had been trying for close to a year to get someone in with no success until they gave me a shot. There was going to be a big hand off of heroin going down so it was now or never for the raid. My partner Drew wanted me to beg off on the day of the raid, said he didn't want me to get hurt. Overprotective sonofabitch." She sighed, and then collected herself.

"What happened?" He asked.

"When the Feds came through the door it didn't take them long to put two and two together. It was the worst gun battle I have ever been in. When it was over we had four agents down. Drew was one of them. He was covering me. He took a bullet that was meant for me. He died on the scene." She concluded bitterly.

"I'm sorry." Bobby offered.

"When I came back to work people said a lot of things. How he died protecting a woman who shouldn't have been there…Law enforcement is no place for a woman…never to my face of course, but I still knew about it. When I came here, I thought all the rumors would follow me, and it took me a long time to let Mike in. Now that I have, I don't know what I would do without him."

For the first time since she started talking she looked at Bobby. His eyes, although still sad, no longer held the emptiness to them.

"Bobby, my point is, its not easy. It never is. I know what you guys had was special," She covered his large hand with one of her own. "It was hard enough losing Alex, please don't let us lose you too. We are all here for you."

Carolyn could see that he needed some time to process what she had just told him. Giving his hand a final squeeze she stood up, "You gunna be alright?"

"I just need some time…" He trailed off.

"Take as much time as you need." She said gently.

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End file.
